Thursday, April 30, 2009

Long Time No Talk

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted. My camera cord is missing so I'm unable to upload any pictures until I ask dh where he stashed them. We've slipped into a normal routine again, and are enjoying the milder weather. Two days last week were sooooo hot we had the air on! Now its back to the 60's and being quite cool in the morning and evening. Spring is back!!! We took advantage of the cooler temps and baked cookies today. :)

It's been easier to get up early this week, thank God! I've had this veil of fatigue over me for MONTHS now and suddenly yesterday I realized I hadn't been as tired all of the time for a couple of days (I was waking up tired previously). Funny how we suddenly notice days later that an issue is gone. My dh likes to blame fatigue on lack of working out but I had been working out everyday, that was not the reason for it.

Last Sunday our church did a laying of hands prayer time for me upon my request. Some of you may know that 2 years ago I was dx'd with MS. I also have some personal struggle that I've had my whole life. I know God can heal me, and so I've asked many times. I figured I'd better do what the bible says and have some deacons/elders lay hands on me and annoint with oil. It is such a privilege to be part of a local body of believers who are willing to do just that.

Still thinking on the homeschool vs. school decision. I like the idea of homeschooling and get all idealistic when pondering it. The reality of the situation is the toll it may take on me, and the amount of time dh will be able to be involved, and how it may affect my reationship with eldest (challenging) son. As things stand, it would all rest on me, and with six children and my health issues, I am not sure we are considering the decision for the right reasons. I am afraid I am leaning toward hs for selfish reasons and that scares me. I feel as though I have been going through almost some sort of a mid-life crisis. And yes I am too young for that, I am only 34, but reality is I have a 17 year old, so all in all life experience wise I am not that far off. haha The thing is that for 17 years I have never been without a small child at home, I have always had a little one. Now, my youngest is 4 and ready to start school, and my eldest will graduate high school next year. I am not sure of how I will find my place in this world with such a big life change. See what I mean? That is pretty selfish, and fearful. Also I cannot compare my eldest (challenging) son to other school kids, he is a special case and not necessarily a direct product of public school just as he is not a direct reflection of his parents. He is his own person, with very real (PDD & depressive disorder) struggles, nothing typical, as evidenced by our other five children. For now I am just going with the flow as usual and if we decide 100% to do it, we will take it from there, and if we decide against it everything will be in place to proceed next year where they are.

Tonight I am making simple skillet fried chicken breasts, and the adults chicken will be drowned in Frank's red hot for a low fat buffalo chicken flavor. I am off to get the next batch out of the pan. Hope you are having a beautiful week!!

update 5/26/09--
I realize I have been wishy washy. That is not the character trait I wish to have or cultivate!! I am allowing fear to rule once again in my life. As soon as I think I have that figured out, I catch it peering around the corner again. I need to write down our reasons, pray about it, and then stick to it. I need to make a long term decision. Some people are fine with telling themselves, well we will do it and take it one year at a time. I cannot do that. When things get tough, or fear peers in, it will be too easy to waver. I need to recognize this whole process as a life-long process, the big picture looks so much different and do-able in that perspective. They don't have to know it all today, I don't have to teach it all this year, it is a life-long process of learning. Yes there are goals we will shoot for by certain timeframes, but it is not nearly so fearsome to realize we have time! It is simply LIFE. Our eldest special needs son will remain in school as he needs the utmost structure and a lot of services. Our three youngest will homeschool. I need to pray for wisdom, peace, and stability.


  1. Heritage of Home here again. I totally understand your fears. I also know the HOPE that motivates us and how our Lord Jesus leads us! You are right about life-long process of teaching and learning. You will do well. Lean on your lady mentor if you have one. If not, ask the Lord to send one.

    Oh, and about the dx-MS...I hear T-Tapp excercises help with the symptoms and other things that pop up with MS. T-Tapp is a mind-body workout, if you go to their web site they have free workouts that you can try out before purchasing. I did. It has taken 5 months, but I finally boght a video. Yay!

  2. Thank you for your reassuring words. I've never had a mentor, but I sure could use one.

    I have one of the T-Tapp CD's, that's so funny you mention that. Just got it recently, didn't know it was supposed to be good with MS symtpoms... now I'm excited. ;-)